I failed. I’m back doing no school work. No longer vegan. Feeling as lazy and entitled as before. My brief period of “enlightenment” ended a long time ago and I’ve had enough. All that’s happening is I’m running out of time, I need to get good grades in order to fulfill my goals. I need change the way I see the world. I’ve fallen back into old habits I just sit at home and watch TV whilst I could be expanding upon the garden or my knowledge or my memory. I’ve never felt as good and proud of myself as those short few weeks when I started this blog. I’ve never felt as deserving of all the things as I have since then.
It is with this realisation that I have decided to start again but more extreme. I’m going to uninstall facebook and become vegan again. I’m going to limit myself to two and a half hours of TV a night MAX.
All figures of great spirituality had a period of solitude. Jesus spent forty days in the desert, Muhammad spent several weeks a year alone in a cave and Buddha retreated into the forest regularly for weeks at a time to achieve enlightenment.
I want to do the same but I don’t know how. In today’s society I am tied to so much. If I’m an hour late to school for God’s sake my parents get a phone call. I’m going to begin my journey by reading up on these figures lives, I’m going to learn how to survive alone in the wilderness or in a community based on medieval society, no electricity or running water and everything you eat wear and burn comes from what you make.
The 21st century isn’t for me, I need to be in nature or a nature based community.